Opposites Attract/Les contraires s'attirent

On October 14th my husband and I will have been married for 47 years.  My grandparents were married 62 yrs, my parent's 61, and my oldest brother and his wife, 60 years, so we have a ways to go yet, if the fates smile upon us. Le 14 octobre, mon mari et moi fêterons 47 ans de mariage. Mes grands-parents ont été mariés 62 ans, mes parents 61 ans, et mon frère aîné et sa femme 60 ans. Il nous reste donc encore du chemin à parcourir, si le destin nous sourit.

It does amaze me though, that two people, very different, not only met and married, but are still living together in relative harmony. It is commonly said that opposites attract. There must be some measure of truth to it, because not only is it a commonly used phrase, but psychologists have a name for it; the theory of complementarity. Je suis cependant stupéfait que deux personnes si différentes se soient non seulement rencontrées et mariées, mais vivent encore ensemble dans une relative harmonie. On dit souvent que les contraires s'attirent. Il doit y avoir une part de vérité, car non seulement c'est une expression courante, mais les psychologues lui ont donné un nom : la théorie de la complémentarité.

This theory posits that people look for traits or behaviour in a partner that they themselves lack, thus together they will complement one another within a relationship. Cette théorie postule que les gens recherchent chez un partenaire des traits ou des comportements qui leur manquent, ainsi ensemble ils se complèteront dans une relation.

So let us apply the theory; Appliquons donc la théorie ;

Lynn and his twin Lloyd, were born in 1948 and I was born in 1957. Lynn et son jumeau Lloyd sont nés en 1948 et je suis née en 1957.

Grandma Bryant holding Lloyd, Grandpa Bryant holding Lynn/ Grand-mère Bryant portant Lloyd, grand-père Bryant portant Lynn

L-R Lynn, Ron, Marc, Maurice, Lloyd

He was the oldest of 5 living children. I was the youngest of 6. Il était l'aîné de cinq enfants encore en vie. J'étais la cadette de six.

L-R Ralph, Alan, Ron, Margaret, Robert..me

Lynn grew up in a small village in Quebec. I was born in a big city, and lived in the suburbs. Lynn a grandi dans un petit village du Québec. Je suis née dans une grande ville et j'ai vécu en banlieue.

 above left - Lynn with Grandpa Bryant on the farm  above right- the house I spent my childhood in/ en haut à gauche - Lynn avec grand-père Bryant à la ferme en haut à droite - la maison dans laquelle j'ai passé mon enfance

He was the son of a working mother, and mostly absent father. I grew up with a working father and stay at home mother. Il était le fils d'une mère qui travaillait et d'un père la plupart du temps absent. J'ai grandi avec un père qui travaillait et une mère au foyer.

top photo - Lynn and his mom, Evelyn at Beauvoir    above - my dad / photo du haut - Lynn et sa mère, Evelyn à Beauvoir ci-dessus - mon père
 

Lynn had responsibilities to his mom and the family. My parents took care of everything. Lynn avait des responsabilités envers sa mère et sa famille. Mes parents subvenaient à tous mes besoins.

L-R  Ron, Lynn with Marc, and Maurice

Lynn's mom struggled to raise 5 boys by cleaning homes. When I first met Lynn, his mom and brothers lived in a rented cold water flat in Sherbrooke (shown below). My dad travelled to an office job in downtown Toronto, and we owned our own home. La mère de Lynn peinait à élever ses cinq garçons en faisant des ménages. Quand j'ai rencontré Lynn, sa mère et ses frères vivaient dans un appartement loué à Sherbrooke (photo ci-dessous). Mon père travaillait dans un bureau au centre-ville de Toronto, et nous étions propriétaires de notre maison.

Stanley St, Sherbrooke, QC 

Lynn's mom came to her faith later in life. I was raised from the cradle in a strict Baptist home, so while Lynn's upbringing centred around the work involved in making ends meet, mine revolved around church social activities and not how the food arrived on the table. La mère de Lynn a adopté la foi plus tard. J'ai été élevé dès le berceau dans une famille baptiste stricte. Alors que l'éducation de Lynn était centrée sur le travail pour joindre les deux bouts, la mienne était centrée sur les activités sociales de l'église et non sur la façon dont la nourriture arrivait sur la table.

Lynn in the Army Medical Corps Reserves in Sherbrooke

As a teen, Lynn travelled with the carnival in the summer, lived in Yorkville for a time, and listened to Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan. I didn't know where Yorkville was, never left home, and was raised on George Beverly Shea (think Billy Graham crusades). Adolescente, Lynn participait aux fêtes foraines l'été, a vécu un temps à Yorkville et écoutait Johnny Cash et Bob Dylan. Je ne savais pas où se trouvait Yorkville, je n'ai jamais quitté la maison et j'ai grandi au son de George Beverly Shea (pensez aux croisades de Billy Graham).

Lynn abt 18

Lynn had been married before.  Lynn avait déjà été mariée auparavant.

Lynn is pragmatic, even optimistic, whereas I am a worrier, an imaginer of doom. Lynn est pragmatique, voire optimiste, alors que je suis quelqu’un d’inquiétant, d’imaginaire de malheur.

It is quite extraordinary that we should ever have crossed one another's path, or having done so, find enough in common to begin to know one another.  All those differences in upbringing and personality had shown Lynn that life can be hard, but you can survive.  I had been sheltered and was unprepared for the world. Lynn was already a person whereas I was as yet unformed. I was smitten..he took a chance. C'est assez extraordinaire que nous ayons croisé nos chemins, ou que, ce faisant, nous ayons trouvé suffisamment de points communs pour commencer à nous connaître. Toutes ces différences d'éducation et de personnalité avaient montré à Lynn que la vie peut être dure, mais qu'on peut survivre. J'avais été protégée et je n'étais pas préparée au monde. Lynn était déjà une personne, tandis que je n'étais pas encore formée. J'étais sous le charme… il a tenté sa chance.

Lynn at a wedding in 1977

The initial attraction of opposites only brings a glimpse of possibilities, I think. Longevity in a relationship is not promised. It takes time and effort to see if the differences complement or destroy. I learned that Lynn was someone who could make me more than I was, and make the sum of us, together, more than we were apart.  L'attirance initiale des contraires n'offre qu'un aperçu des possibilités, je pense. La longévité d'une relation n'est pas garantie. Il faut du temps et des efforts pour voir si les différences se complètent ou se détruisent. J'ai appris que Lynn était quelqu'un qui pouvait me faire grandir et faire de notre union, ensemble, plus que ce que nous étions séparément.

October 14th 1978

So on this new Anniversary, I celebrate that this special man crossed my path, and chose me. Alors, en ce nouvel anniversaire, je célèbre le fait que cet homme spécial a croisé mon chemin et m'a choisi.

I'm a lucky girl. Je suis une fille chanceuse.

 

Life through The Stanstead Journal

 

The Stanstead Journal was Quebec's oldest weekly newspaper, having been founded in 1845, and covering mostly local and regional news. It might have been the Facebook of the day and was very important to the community. The news of the Country and beyond was on the front pages, but the important news came in from the small towns; who was visiting; who had moved; who was sick.

When I first started doing genealogy, I spent several hours at the Bishop's University in Lennoxville, where the local archives resided. I found there a transcription of Births, Deaths and Marriages made from the Journal and photocopied all the pages referring to the Bryant family. Recently I found that there are copies of the Stanstead Journal now available to search on the banq numerique website, so I began a search, this time specifically for Grandfather Stephen Moses Bryant. 

 Lynn and his grandpa, Stephen Bryant

My husband Lynn was born when his grandfather was an old man. Lynn's mom, Evelyn, was the 12th of 13 living children, so Stephen had done a lot of living by the time Lynn and his twin, Lloyd, were born. There remain a few pictures of Stephen as a young man, but I hoped that the Journal might help to give us a larger picture of his early life.

Stephen Moses Bryant was born 17 Mar 1867, to Moses Steven and Lucy Philips Bryant in East Bolton Township. Moses had come to the Province of Quebec from Grafton, NH with his family c1819. Many of the first settlers in this part of Quebec were British Loyalists who, during or after the War of 1812, crossed the border to live in the British territory of what is now the Eastern Townships. There is an 1866 Plan of the Township of Bolton, which places Moses and his brothers on Ranges 13 & 14, on adjacent lots, in an area which was known as the Bryant Neighborhood. I believe this is probably between Bryant's Landing on Lake Mephramagog and Chemin Shuttleworth, where there was later a family farm, and behind which, is the Bryant Cemetery.

My husband beside the grave of Moses Bryant his great grandfather in the Bryant Cemetery

Stephen Moses was born into a time of great change. The Dominion of Canada came into being on the 1st of July, 1867. It consisted of The Province of Canada, which comprised Canada West, (formerly Upper Canada), and Canada East, (formerly Lower Canada); New Brunswick, and Nova Scotia. For Moses and Lucy, 1867 was the birth year of their first child, a son, born in a new country.

Most of what we know about Stephen's early years comes from census returns and church records.  According to the 1871 census he was living among his uncles' families in East Bolton Division #2, and had a brother Aaron, and a sister Harriett. His father, Moses, became ill in 1880, aged 66, and his death and burial are recorded in the Bolton Methodist church registers by the minister, Hiram Fowler. These records rarely include a cause of death, but we do know that he was buried in the Bryant Cemetery. News of his death made the Stanstead Journal.

14 Oct 1880 Stanstead Journal

This loss left Stephen aged 13 with a widowed mother and, by now, 3 younger siblings. This is reflected on the 1881 census return which shows the family still living amongst Moses' brothers and their families, and showing Lucy as widowed, and Stephen at 14 with 'farm' as his occupation. 

On the 23rd of December 1884, a marriage is entered in the records of the Methodist Church for Magog. Lucy Philips Bryant has been married by license to Charles E King, widower.

At this point I lost track of Stephen for a while. His mother moved to Leominster, MA in abt 1884 with her new husband, and is then present on the 1900 census for that place. Her daughters must have accompanied her, being minors, but Harriet gets married in Leominster, MA at age 17 to Frederick Gibson in 1888, and Lavinia gets married at age 16 in 1891, to Charles Cochran. Stephen's brother Aaron is in East Bolton on the 1891 census and married later the same year. I couldn't find Stephen in either place in 1891, however The Journal picks him up six years later.  

Possibly this photo (undated) was taken around this period

Stephen appears to be living in Beebe Plain, although it cannot be determined how long he has lived there. Beebe Plain, QC  straddled the Canada/US border at Vermont. People crossed the border regularly and most had family on both sides. This former store, built in the 1820s, housed both the Canadian and the US post offices, which were served by the same postmaster. Stephen would have been familiar with it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beebe_Plain#/media/File:Beebe_Plain_post_office.jpg

1898 Business Directory

Stephen turns 31 in 1898,  and is an elected official of the local Epworth League. This was a Methodist  association for young adults, aged 18-35, whose aim was to train young people to be the moral and spiritual future of the Methodist Church and wider society and was a hugely popular movement at this time. 

(Stanstead Journal 13 & 21 Oct 1898)

Stephen must have been an esteemed member of the Epworth League/Epworth League of Christian Endeavor to be chosen to attend all of these conferences. 

Stanstead Journal 2 Nov 1899

This clipping mentions that Stephen had been to Massachusetts to visit his mother. Interestingly it also mentions a Mrs Hearl from Toronto, a Mr Anderson from Ontario, 2 local residents that had been to St Johnsbury, VT. All of these journeys would have been made by steam train and was not deemed unusual to travel large distances in this way. 

At some point during this time, Stephen became acquainted with a young lady. There is a family story that Grandma Bryant met Grandpa Bryant in a graveyard in Fitch Bay. According to the Journal a Willard Gladden had moved to Fitch Bay in October of 1899. In 1891, the census shows Willard in Potton township, which is on the other side of Lake Mephramagog to Fitch Bay, so we can conjecture that this is where he moved from. Said Willard had a lovely young daughter, Nettie, who stole Stephen's heart. 

Nettie May Gladden abt 17 years old

That Stephen and Nettie met in Fitch Bay, in a graveyard, is a romantic story and is quite possibly a true one, although I could find no mention of Stephen being there. I will offer another possibility for your consideration. Willard and his family were Adventists, and from as early  as 1874, there existed in Beebe Plains, an Adventist Camp where followers would gather for large Camp Meetings. Perhaps Stephen met Nettie near the camp, perhaps in town or at the post office. Or, the Google map screenprint shows the proximity of the Camp (blue) and the Beebe Main Street Cemetery (in yellow). Just a thought...

However, and wherever, they met, The Stanstead Journal of 1st November, 1900, announced that a marriage had taken place.

Vermont Vital Records gives the date as October 31, 1900. From a modern perspective, the newspaper announcement leaves out details that we might expect such as the parents' names and the first name of the bride, but it is clear that the town thought highly of the newly married couple. 

22 Nov 1900 Stanstead Journal

We learn a short time later that Nettie has been ill, but is now well enough to return to Fitch Bay, possibly to recuperate in the care of her mother I wondered if this illness was serious enough to cause some re-thinking of living arrangements because in subsequent weeks it is noted that the Gladdens are moving to Beebe Plain.

(Beebe Plain) 13 Dec 1900 The Stanstead Journal

This entry states that Stephen has rented Josiah Feltus' house on House Hill, and that Nettie's parents will move from Fitch Bay to live there as well. Josiah Feltus was married to Stephen's cousin Susan Rexford. He was an optician and according to the 1898 Directory shown before, also had a livery stables. Grey granite was a local industry and was being quarried nearby in Graniteville. House Hill was a small area close to Graniteville, and by 1926 there were 22 quarries surrounding House Hill. Josiah, Susan and Susan's mother, Lavinia Bryant Rexford,  are buried in the Beebe Main street Cemetery.

I took this in 2011. There are footstones at the base.

Oddly, the following week's Journal published that Mr Gladden from Fitch Bay, has moved into Charles Lorimer's house, and his son-in-law Stephen Bryant will reside with him. I then read a notice a short time later which stated that Mrs Wesley Flanders and child, of Fitch Bay, would be staying with Mr and Mrs Gladden at the Lorimer farm. Perhaps the change was made in order to accommodate more family. Mrs Wesley Flanders was Julia Etta, Nettie's sister, and her child was Vera, born in April 1900. 

3 Jan 1901 Stanstead Journal

28 Feb 1901 Stanstead Journal

Only months later the Ives farm near Magog, is sold, and arrangements are made such that Aaron Bryant (Stephen's brother) is able to remain as farmer there. At the same time, the lease for the Russell Rexford farm near the Ives Farm, is made available to Stephen, and the Journal notes on 21 March 1901, that Fred Jarvis will take over Stephen's position of work with Josiah Feltus. All of this explains some of the 1901 census results.

1901 census excerpt p 8 Magog Twp

The taking of the 1901 census began the 31st of March and was to be completed within the next month. We find Stephen and Nettie in Magog Township East, listed next to his brother Aaron and his family on the census page. Nettie is expecting their first daughter Mabel, who will be born in June of 1901, and Charlotte, Nettie's mother, is living with them. Nettie's sister Julia, is back in Fitch Bay with her husband's relatives.  I could not find Willard on this census, but my guess is that he was near Glen Sutton. It seems to mark a permanent period of separation between Willard and Charlotte, which she remarks upon in a letter to her husband just prior to her death. The only reason that I can think of, is economic; work had to be found in order to survive.

written from Beebe Plain Mar 1903 prior to her death in Flodden, QC in May 1903

15 Aug 1901 Stanstead Journal

By August, there is talk of Stephen moving back to Beebe Plain, with the added note that "we should all be glad to have Steve back again."

 

7 November 1901 The Stanstead Journal

By November, Stephen has returned to Beebe Plain to resume working for Josiah Feltus. It seems such an unsettled beginning to married life with all this moving about, and now there is a baby to provide for also. 

The Journal is quiet about the family in 1902 and most of 1903, even though a new daughter, Mildred arrives in this period. Charlotte is with Stephen and Nettie in March of 1903 per the above mentioned letter, but passes away at the home of her daughter Gertrude, near Flodden, Quebec where she is also buried. Willard passes away in 1905 in Glen Sutton, where he is buried, making the separation permanent in death as well.

 

29 Oct 1903 Stanstead Journal

This brief notice appears in October stating that Stephen is about to move to Magog. No reason is given this time. The movements of the family in the next several years are chronicled in delayed birth registrations which are not entered until 1921 in Methodist Church records in Beebe Plain.

According to this, Mabel was born in 1901 in Oliver Corners, Mildred in 1903 in Beebe Plain, and Everett in 1905 in Oliver Corner. On the following page, the birth of James is listed as 1906 in Oliver Corner. 

East Bolton - Beebe Plain - Fitch Bay- Oliver Corner (yellow dot) - Applegrove (blue dot)

signatures following the birth registration entry in 1921 of  8 children

Two of the 8 children registered in 1921, were the twins, born in January of 1909, Roberta and Roderick, also in Oliver Corner. 

24 Mar 1910 Stanstead Journal

This small mention tells us that Stephen and family are living now in Fitch Bay. It is interesting that it says "Stephen and children". I wonder if he was giving Nettie a little break. She was probably left with the 13 month old twins, and it is possible she was feeling less well at the time because Lucy came along in November of 1910. Fletcher Kinsman was the husband of Stephen's cousin Calista and they were living in the Apple Grove area. (see map above)

excerpts of 1911 census for Fitch Bay

The 1911 census is interesting because it collected different information than was previously gathered on a census. The family is living on Lot 23, Range 5, and Stephen continues to work as a farm labourer. He is a Methodist, worked 40 weeks, 60 hours per week, and had a total income of $300 for the year 1910. He had no life or accident insurance, and could read and write. We also see that the family has increased by six children from the previous census.

1921 delayed registration of birth from Beebe Plain Methodist Church

There is Mildred and Everett as previously noted, and additionally, James in 1906, the twins in 1909, and Lucy in 1910, all born in Oliver Corner except Lucy who was born in Fitch Bay. That is a large family to provide for.

11 Apr 1912 Stanstead Journal 

This small notation shows one of the ways that Stephen did that. Sugaring at this time involved attaching metal spouts and pails to the maple trees in order to collect the sap. Later the sap would be gathered and processed. This would be an important source of income for farmers.

https://qahn.org/article/sugaring-quebec-tradition-2011-qahn-hometown-heritage-essay-contest-winner

15 May 1913 Stanstead Journal

Here we see that Stephen still has an interest in the Christian Endeavor Movement. 

9 Sep 1915 Stanstead Journal 

This clipping is an interesting window into the evolution of roadways in Stanstead County and how Stephen contributed.

25 Nov 1915 Stanstead Journal

Stephen has now moved the family to Apple Grove and into his cousin's former house. The Miss Flora Bryant that is mentioned was a cousin of Stephen, and was the first woman BA graduate from Bishop's University and who spent her working life in education. This clipping came from the front page of the Sherbrooke Daily Record 22 June 1905. 

 In May of 1916, in the Georgeville section of the Journal, it was announced that Stephen had leased the farm of FJ McGowan who had moved to Cedar Cliffs. In the month following, friends in Fitch Bay were told of the birth and baptism of Stephen and Nettie's daughter Ina, near Georgeville.

Daughter Nettie Beatrice, was born in 1917, in Fitch Bay, and her baptism in 1920, was recorded in the books of the Beebe Plain Methodist. 

7 Mar 1918 Stanstead Journal

As I read this mention of Stephen moving to a new job in 1918, I wondered how he might have been affected by World War 1. The 117th (Eastern Townships) Battalion, CEF, was fighting overseas representing the Townships and I'm sure everyone knew of a family that was affected. Stephen seemed to be mostly about the business of raising his growing family and finding work to provide for them. He had no specific trade, so finding work as a labourer was probably a never-ending challenge. Little did he know at this time, that there would be a WW2 and his family and neighbours would be called to serve.

26 Jun 1919 Stanstead Journal

At the time this was published, soldiers were returning home from Europe only to find it in the grip of a deadly pandemic, the Spanish flu. I don't know if any of the family sickened with this, but if they did, everyone survived. Can you imagine what would have happened if this flu took either Stephen or Nettie away? Both of the oldest daughters, Mabel and Mildred, had married that spring, leaving 14 year old Everett as the oldest child at home. I imagine there were many families permanently changed before the pandemic ended. 

The 1921 census places the family in Stanstead County and the Municipality of Graniteville. It shows that Stephen is renting a single house made of wood, with 8 rooms, for $5.00 a month. 
The census asks, for the first time,  if he can speak French, his answer being 'no'. He is listed as a Congregationalist, a wage earner who does general labour and that he had a yearly income of $600 in 1920. 

excerpt from the 1921 census for Stanstead County, Municipality Graniteville

The family is incomplete in this census return. Mabel is married and living in Cherry River. Mildred is listed with her infant daughter, Stella Louise (should be Helen Louise), having returned to stay with her parents over the winter. Everett, the oldest boy is not listed. He was 16 at this time and could have been working away from home. James, aged 14, is living with the Arthur Gothorp and his wife in Apple Grove. Roderick is listed, but his twin Roberta aged 12, is not. Lawrence, Lucy, Ina and Beatrice are listed, but Ruby, who was born in April of 1921, is not. I could not find Everett or Roberta listed elsewhere.

28 Apr 1921 Stanstead Journal Ruby's birth

The last clipping I will include, is from the Sherbrooke Daily Record on the 2nd of October 1922. 

This move is significant because the North Hatley area is where most family members remember living. Evelyn, my late mother-in-law, and Olive, her sister, were born there in 1923 and 1925. Grandpa Bryant worked for, and lived on, Reed farms. Many Bryant family members are buried in the Reedsville/North Hatley Cemetery, including Stephen and Nettie, and several of their children, Evelyn being just one. Memories of Grandma and Grandpa Bryant are largely connected to North Hatley and are more widely known, so the exploration in the pages of the Stanstead Journal was to fill in some of those earlier times when Stephen was a son, and a young husband and father. 

 This is the Grandpa that helped to raise my husband and his twin. A gentle man, a hard working man, a well loved man.

 

 

( As an aside, this brings up a difficulty that any amateur genealogist in search of accuracy, will soon encounter; the determining of an exact location that an event took place. There will be the place, usually a larger town, where records are registered. There may be a specific church where a baptism took place, in a local village or small town. Then there will be the home, on a back road perhaps, where the birth will actually have taken place. So, East Bolton, the municipality, is correct. No baptism records were found for Stephen or his siblings, so we can't narrow down a location within the municipality. Bolton Centre, a village, may have been the closest post office connected to Stephen's parents, so would also be correct. It does not  however, locate their home where the birth took place, which could have been either in that village or outside it. So, in many cases one must choose to use the location for which there is the most evidence. Sorry for the lecture.)

For the period of time in which Stephen lived, the most available official sources are church records of events, census records and voters lists. Happily, there are also several newspapers for the region and there are a few family photos and some family anecdotes. The photos though, are often undated and unlabeled, and the anecdotes, though fascinating, are subject to the vagaries of time and memory. Most upsetting now, is the fact that his closest family members are no longer available to us.