Overshadowing everyone and everything for what seems like forever now, is the pandemic. So that is always lurking.
Then a family closet door opened and out popped a skeleton of huge proportions. This directly affects the past, present and future of several cherished family members, so needed careful thought and action. This same situation required me to examine many of the things that I had been brought up to think; things that formed much of my personal frame of reference.
Wrapped up in this package was the news that a close family member may have a serious diagnosis.
Then came concerns about my 97 yr. old mom-in-law.
Then came news of several deaths in our small circle of family and friends.
...then I found our favorite chipmunk floating in a bucket at my neighbour's when I went next door to water her plants.
He was a little furry pal, a pet in a way, and we were attached, so I mourned him sincerely. But I think that was the straw; the catalyst to release all of the pain and grief that had been accumulating.
Grief for...
things that happened that should not have
people and places of trust weren't trustworthy
burdens carried for so long
the immeasurable damage
silence imposed and held
innocence lost
future losses
being in ignorance.
So many things.
Is there a remedy for this grief?
Not especially, but there are some strategies for coping.
I cried out my sorrow.
I deliberately put away active thoughts on all of those things causing my pain for a day.
I pulled out a book by a favorite author and let it draw me in.
I went to the path with my camera and focused it on the things that I could see and hear and smell.
I looked at the small wonders and marveled.
I looked at the vast sky to remember my small place under it.
Then I summoned gratitude for...
my husband who does not flinch when I greet him at the door with tears
my children who listen, who shake me firmly and gently when I need it and who help me work out a new way to understand the world
for skeletons and secrets no longer hidden
for those who though deeply scarred have survived and are working on a way of continuing to do so in a healthier way
that I am privileged to be able to take a day away from pain as so many are unable to do.
