A Fearful Silence

 Justice is an illusion in this world. An accused can be wrongfully charged and convicted - an accused can be completely culpable and yet walk free. 

There is however, a place where truth and doing what is right should be a fundamental tenet of their purpose - the Church. This place is supposed to be the earthly representation of God, where He is honored and His will for daily living earnestly sought. A place where the truth is spoken and acknowledged without exception or flinching. A place that displays the face of God to the world.

I come from a strict Evangelical background. Hymns are the music of my childhood; the routines of church attendance part of the fabric of family life as I grew up; the bible and its teachings the framework that formed my thinking and emotional behaviour. I am now 63 and have long since left behind the rigid requirements of organized religion but for a full 2/3rds of my life, beginning from the cradle, my life was centred around church attendance and responsibilities. Its influence cast a long shadow over me.

This is also the basic history of my siblings; a life centered around the church and the service of its members and the wider community. As happens in life the family began is disperse geographically as life and employment took members out of the province. Then life took a member away from us; my sister. 

In the way of larger families, my sister's children are as close in age to me as are  several of my brothers but regrettably without the emotional closeness of shared experiences because visits with them were only sporadic. I never saw my sister's youngest boy after his mother's funeral 31 years ago. It's like a chasm opened and got wider over the years. I would hear of him; a new partner; a new job; a new location. I mourned what I thought were the effects of a mother gone too soon and an emotionally unavailable father. 

Today I learned that a church that my family had attended for several years, covered up the sexual abuse of my then 13 year old nephew. At that time an accusation was made before the elder's of the church. The accused admitted his guilt.

I do not know many details; that is my nephew's story to tell as after many years he is now able to. What I do know, now, is how complete the conspiracy of silence was, and how this agreement to not treat this heinous event with the urgency and gravity required, has caused a tsunami of consequences.

Now I interpret my nephew's story slightly differently than before. The complicit silence kept the knowledge closely contained and fear enforced it. The congregation was not told. Our family was kept in ignorance in perpetuity - I did not know.

The ripples start...because we did not know, we did not offer help.

Because we did not offer help, I believe that my nephew assumed that we knew and were complicit to the silence.

Because we did not offer help, I believe that my nephew shunned the family at large; emotionally then physically as soon he was able.

Because we did not offer help, I believe he may have assumed that we did not love him enough to believe him or that he was important enough to stand up for.

Because we did not offer help, I believe that he may have come to believe himself unworthy and then assumed the guilt and even shouldered blame for an event for which he should have been publicly vindicated.

Because we did not offer help, I think he found other ways, destructive ways, to assuage the pain he felt, resulting in broken relationships and confirming his feelings of unworthiness.

This happened to my nephew. I knew this church and these people. I knew the families of the other boys, because yes, there were more. Are we to be silent because the name of God might come into disrepute? No! Only the names of His unworthy servants will, and should. And that is Biblical! 

Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops       Luke 12:2-3