You might think think that after a year of practice I would be taking this new life in stride. Well, you might be wrong. 

I hold my own most days, but every few, the news worsens or I see a horrifying image or there is evidence that this threat is coming too close to my family. Then I have to once more locate my 'grip' so I can get a hold of it.

Sometimes I can' find it by myself because I need to admit out loud that I am scared. Which is actually.. 'still scared'. Often this admission stops the endless loop in my head and allows a different, and more balanced, tape  to play.

Many times I can catch the downward trajectory of my thoughts and emotions by going outdoors. Where I can go has depended on the restrictions at the time, but sometimes, just 'outside' is enough. A moment in the sun and the sound and feel of the breeze can lift my spirits.  There is even a word for the sound of the wind in the trees or the rustling of the leaves. 

This word is Psithurism. It is one of a multitude of astonishing words now listed as obsolete because they have not become part of normally used vocabulary, which is a tragic loss to language. The 'p' is silent, though, why it is there, can be blamed on  the Greeks from whose word 'psithuros' (for 'whispering'), our new word stems. It is therefore pronounced 'sith-ur-izm' which has a lovely  onomatopoeic quality to it.  

There is something about the sound of the wind in the leaves that settles my soul and allows me to take a deeper breath. It reminds me of a mindfulness technique to use in moments of stress. So I will open the side door and begin to focus on...

5 Things that I see

The sky vast and everchanging

Dandelions cheerful and familiar

A Blue Jay bold and noisy 

A squirrel hungry and hopeful, and 

my chair, empty and waiting.

4 Things that I Feel

The warmth of the cup in my hands

the sun that warms my face

the softness of a tulip petal

and the roughness of the brick.

3 Things I can Hear

The chimes on the porch

the squabble of sparrows

and the slam of a car door.

2 Things that I Smell

A hint of rain in the breeze

and the blossoms on the pear tree.

1 Thing that I taste

the coffee from that warm cup in my hand.

So it is not the surroundings, I am not in the forest or a beautiful garden, that are the important factor. It is the deliberate bringing of my mind  to focus on where I am and what I can see and hear in this one moment. It grounds to where I am and away from the vague and scary places and possibilities where my mind goes when left unattended. I touch the brick of my house and feel its solidity and security.

It also reminds me that I am in a minority amongst the millions in the world who have never experienced the kind of security and privilege that I have, here, standing in my doorway, with my coffee.