Finding a way through

Loss is a universal experience; it manifests in a myriad of ways, and some are of more significance than others. Coping with loss though, is deeply personal and individual. The loss of a job is not the same as the loss of a loved one, but loss of any kind demands emotional response and adjustment. Grief unacknowledged and unresolved will eventually find expression in less healthy and emotionally dangerous ways.

Having only recently lost our beloved 'fur baby', our family dog of many years, I am starting now to walk through days without him. A significant presence is gone. The house feels odd. I feel vulnerable. Death changes us in real and fundamental ways.

But life does continue on. You wake up to another day, even if you might wish sometimes to sleep on forever. Telephones ring and work and family demands call for us to be present, and in the present. To focus when life seems out of focus.

It can take a long time to heal. Nothing will make it all better. It is a road you must walk, and even if you do not face a loss alone, it is a solitary inner journey. 

So here are some things that I will do as I travel....

I will cry. Probably often, and sometimes over seemingly unrelated things. When tears well up, and they will, let them out. Holding them in leads to sore stomachs and headaches. Tears are a pressure valve installed for a reason. 

I will rest. Loss takes an emotional and physical toll. The emotion is intense and deep. Grieving is a process that takes considerable time and energy and the fatigue might be different than any you might have experienced before. 

I will spend time in solitude and quiet. There is nothing to say to make it better, but people will try because they care. And they may have a hidden hurt as well, so be gracious and be kind. Always be kind. Then balance it with times and places where you do not have to speak.

I will sit on the porch and see who is in the garden and what is growing. 

I will walk in the forest and by the river because the exercise is good for me and the beauty will lift my spirits and repair my soul.

I will reminisce often until tears of sorrow are replaced with tears of joy and laughter in the remembering.

I will cultivate gratitude and express appreciation for the time spent with those gone, and to those with me now.

I will try to walk with more awareness of those in pain around me, and be kind. Always be kind.