It has been snowing all day but it is deceptive because there is no accumulation on the tree branches. Every so often the wind will pick up and sweep snow from the roof and swirl it in front of the window so you feel like you are in a snowglobe looking out. Lovely really, but I don't have to be out in it so that alters my perspective to a positive one.
It makes me think about how other things accumulate in life and how hard is is to keep a balance. We accumulate so many things; tangible, like savings or possessions, if we are fortunate and prudent; intangible like memories and experiences.
And how sometimes life just accumulates; how in a day's worth of phone calls, one can turn things upside down, because it brings news of illness in someone you care about.
Or one unexpected bill can effect the food budget for a month.
How one more day of gloomy cold weather can make aches and pains seem too much to bear.
Or just one more any thing can tip us from coping to overwhelmed, and upset our emotional and physical balance.
And sometimes too, our emotional balance is just more precarious than others.
I came to a measure of self-awareness later in life. When I was growing up the idea of self-care was equated with selfishness, so, others came first; you did, you gave, you came last. I found that this lead to burnout, anger and ofttimes putting those who should come first, last.
So I stopped (eventually). This is akin to heresy in my world, but I found that I needed rest and I thrived better in quiet so a less busy calendar was necessary.
I learned how to say no (eventually). You can't do everything, and be everything, and the striving is profoundly draining.
I learned (the hard way) that I needed to pay closer attention to my body telling me when something needs to be changed in my life.
When I was growing up, you did not talk about your problems as it displayed either a lack of faith, or a lack of manners. There are lots of platitudes that pertain to this; 'a burden shared is a burden halved' or 'two heads are better than one'. Often there is a modicum of truth to them. I learned that sometimes just admitting a worry or concern to someone is enough the ease its hold on me.
I also learned (eventually) to just let things go for a time. Stuff doesn't go away but you sometimes need a break from them, even if just for a little while. My first choice is always to go for a walk. Some thing that is a diversion can give you a few minutes respite from your thoughts or emotions and maybe change their trajectory.
I learned (eventually) that you need to be kind to yourself, to give yourself a break. We are so bombarded with images and ideas of what a 'successful' person looks like, has and can do. This is fraudulent and dangerous. I can only look like me, I may not be able to do or be everything I might wish. This does not mean that we can't learn, change, aspire and dream. But I have to accept who I am and aspire and dream within the framework of my own unique capabilities.
So, when things accumulate and you feel you are losing your balance..
it's okay to change your boundaries
it's okay to share your worry
it's important to treat your pain and rest
you can give yourself permission to take a break
and most importantly, be kind ..especially to yourself.
I should probably have written this conjugating the verb learn...I am learning, (still), I will learn, (hopefully, eventually) , I have learned, (some things, and mostly by doing it wrong).
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