From the Porch - Things I learned from my grandson

It has been an unusual week for me. My husband is in Quebec visiting his mom and I am home alone. I have never been home alone before; no spouse, no children, no furry companion. It kind of brings to mind things that you are not too keen to think about, like living alone. I was thinking about the progression of my life and roles; daughter to wife, wife to parent; and now parent to grandparent. 

Grandparent is a new role. Our grandbaby will be 11 months old soon at which time his mom and I will both marvel and mourn at the speed with which time passes and things change. It seems like he was a 'bump' only yesterday and we were breathless with anticipation. (My sweet daughter-in-law was breathless because he was a big 'bump', and he was keeping her sleep deprived.) 

Rather than travelling further down the memory lane that leads to 'Tissue Town',  I decided to think about the lessons I could learn from having a baby in my life once more.

Babies are a reminder to be grateful. Life is without guarantees. You can't know for certain that you will have children of your own, or that you will live to see your children grow up. Life is fraught, so when a lovely, healthy baby is born into your family, you are grateful for the gift.

Babies teach us that crying is a natural expression. It helps parents to identify when baby is hungry, or needs changing or has pain, because he can't tell you. It is unfortunate that in our society this has somehow translated into 'crying is for babies'. As adults there are also times of pain, times when we have no words, and a cry from the soul can lead to solace.

Smiles can heal. There is just something about when my grandson smiles at me. It is like the sun comes out, my heart flips over, and I feel that I have been given a great gift. I feel acknowledged, recognized, important; like I have achieved something very important. It reminds me that perhaps someone might feel visible instead or invisible, acknowledged rather than ignored, if I just smile at them today.

Babies bring out in us a desire to protect. We don't want anything to upset or hurt them, but we are forced to accept that some things will hurt; like needles, and rashes and getting teeth. Hurtful things are a given; we cannot protect or prevent them so our job becomes to prepare them, and always to be a place of solace. 

 'Dad time'

' mama time '

My grandson has shown me the beauty of spontaneous joy. J R will suddenly begin to dance or bounce or do his baby version of 'head-banging'. What a wonderful thing to have no inhibitions and feels completely free to express his feelings. We all probably need to have a 'happy dance' more often. (If you were raised a Baptist like me, you may need to practice in private until you get the hang of it.)

' Dad is playing Social D!'

It is so fascinating to watch J R explore his world. Each day is new and everything is a wonder. Toes wiggle, and fingers are very useful; hands however seem to require more training. Music makes you want to bounce. Some things are scratchy like daddy's cheeks. Faces are all different. Grandpa has bristles under his nose. Bearded giants are not scary. Grass tickles and bunnies are soft. There is so much that J R wants to see and touch and put in his mouth, and it is slightly terrifying to watch his single-minded determination to do so.  As we grow older we often lose the ability to look at things with fresh eyes, without learned biases or associations. My grandson reminds me of the need to cultivate that sense of wonder and discovery again. Like a child.

'I can whistle, just give me a sec'

'tastes good and fun to play with'

One of my favorite things is listening to J R. He can say 'Dada' but won't perform on cue. His mom and I keep trying to get him to say 'Mama' but he just tilts his head and grins at her. A word he does use frequently, and in correct context is 'Wow'. I love that. It means he has seen something new and interesting; a bug, a red truck, a new book. It reminds me that it is important to not only notice the things around me but to acknowledge them and express appreciation of what makes them interesting and unique. 

'Wow!'

I am also struck by how swiftly time passes and how different is the world J R will grow up in than the one I experienced. I can't imagine the changes in technology that he will see and accept as a normal part of his life. I sometimes wonder what I will be able offer that would be relevant to him. I guess we will see as time goes by, but in the mean time he can know that Grandma loves him, and maybe that is all that is important.

' I'll take this selfie - everyone smile'

' Grandma, you let Netflix time out"

So darling boy; thank you for the joy of holding a baby once more; for smiles that light up my day and hugs that heal my soul; for the privilege of seeing my son become a father; for showing me that life is still an adventure; for reminding me of the wonder of discovery, and facing the world with expectation. Grandma loves you.

'and she kisses me, a lot'

And thank you to my dear son. I am so in awe of you and deeply proud of the man you have become. And to my sweetest Leah; thank you for being the anchor and touchstone of your home, for loving my son as he is, helping him to be all he can be and being his safe place. Thank you for always making me feel welcome. I love you both and am grateful for you.   

'J R, say 'mama''