So about noon, out of a clear blue sky comes heavy clouds and wind. Then rumbling and rain. Rain in torrents, streams in the streets as the sewers tried to swallow the volume. Fortunately it evened out into a shower and there was no electrical activity. Just a surprise storm bringing much needed moisture and cooler temperatures.
I got to thinking about the storms that surprise us in life; sudden storms that we are not prepared for, that leave us vulnerable and shaken. There are big storms that leave us with a sudden loss whether of a person we love, or without income or with a frightening or debilitating health issue. There are many smaller scale storms like rifts in a relationship, or personal hurts or pain that can be a result of insult or disappointment. So many possibilities and so often unexpected.
Like torrents of rain that obscure the view, sometimes we cannot see the way through the storm or even believe there is a way forward.
Some storms are violent and cause the power to go out, so these personal storms can make us feel vulnerable and helpless; without power and in a dark place.
A sudden hard rain can cause flash flooding because there is no way to drain the water away quickly enough. In the same way we can feel overwhelmed, as though we are drowning and there is no help on the way.
The sky gets black and the thunder rumbles, and we feel frightened. The onset of the storm is menacing and loud. Sudden personal storms can be menacing and frightening and we might feel like something terrible is approaching which will change our life and who we are forever.
When the winds rise and whip the tree branches, some of them will break. So it is, that when storms come there may be change, an alteration to the way things are. We may feel beaten down. There may be damages that leave permanent scars.
So is there a way to prepare for life's storms? You may sense the presence of death, even think that you are prepared for its arrival, but you are never ready for those last moments and the finality of the loss that you are faced with. Financial storms, like needing to replace or repair a vehicle, always cost more that you expect, and take longer to recover from. Job loss packs a financial and emotional punch. Storms like betrayal of trust or a close friend moving away cause emotional damage that can take a long time to heal.
I wish there was an easy answer; a special coat of protection that could be worn, or a magic umbrella that could shield, alas those only exist in fiction. I know that I have wished many times for those kinds of protection. I know too,that instead of being able to weather a storm, I have instead been beaten down and tossed about by it. Maybe that is just human, or part of the process of learning and growing. I do know that it is painful and can leave deep scars. Physical scars evidence a wound that has healed and are a visible reminder that you survived; emotional scars are invisible but perhaps they also need air and light and exposure in order to heal properly.
I grew up in a sheltered environment which left me over-protected, under-prepared for life and woefully naive. This is a personal observation about how I was raised and not a criticism of my parents, who like most parents try to do their best and hope for a good outcome. On top of that, I am not optimistic by nature; not even a 'recovering pessimist', an interesting phrase that I read today. My husband, by contrast, grew up in very different, and much more difficult circumstances that I did, yet is much more positive than I am. I think that those circumstances taught him at a much earlier age that life can be hard and sometimes unfair. As an adult he had formed a more realistic expectation of life from those experiences and a healthier attitude to dealing with life's storms; stuff can happen, and I will deal with it when it happens.
So while we may not be able to necessarily prepare for stormy times emotionally, we can prepare by acknowledging that life's road is bumpy and there will be personal challenges and those that affect the ones we care about. So my challenge is finding a balance between abject terror and hiding my head in the sand. Kind of an emotional tightrope for me.
There are several things that keep me from plummeting off the tightrope into the abyss; transparency is one. If I can stop worrying a thing in my head, and get it out into the light, it helps. So sometimes I need to just spit out this thing, whatever it is, and it loses some of its grip on me. So I call my husband and he will say 'its ok' or 'it can be worked out', 'no that's not dumb' or 'maybe a walk would help. It may sound simplistic, and he hasn't solved the world's problems, but he has listened as I admit to a worry, and then acknowledged it. Powerful.
Another thing that helps me to balance is the knowledge that there is a net to catch me. I tend to a loner, and no where near as social as I was when I was younger, but you need to have someone that you can always be yourself with. You need to find your 'tribe', which may be your family, but may instead be others with whom you may have more in common. Acceptance keeps you steady.
Balance will always be difficult to maintain, and at certain times in our lives a very real struggle. If you have not determined what things help you stay in focus, and are not making time for them regularly, then when those high winds come, you may not have roots deep enough to hold you firm. I know now, that I need a lot of quiet time. I know that a walk will refresh my spirit every time, and I know that my camera helps narrow my focus and concentrate on things of wonder and beauty that can restore.
Finally, not every day is stormy, so try to be present and enjoy the calm and peaceful ones. And when the winds howl and the rains come, you may sometimes slip and fall, but you will also find strength for the task, and solace for the soul.
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