Time Heals All Wounds?

'Time heals all wounds' is a phrase that we often hear after a death; so cliched that we would probably term it a platitude. Platitudes are generally well-meant, but so overused that they now have virtually no impact; indeed, could even be insulting as instead of being soothing, seem to instead diminish the pain being experienced. This is such a categoric statement, as though there can be absolutely no doubt that it is true. 

But is it? Do all wounds heal in time? No doubt it is 100% true when that final sleep of eternal peace, we hope, arrives. But how do we live in the mean time? The main character in a novel that I was reading this morning, said, 'Anyone who thought time healed all wounds must have sustained only the most minor lacerations'. The implication is that this bromide would only apply to the most superficial of wounds. 

As with many cliches, there is, no doubt, some kernel of wisdom and truth in it. There seems to be some disagreement about who originally penned the words that became this exact phrase over time. The earliest attribution seems to be the Roman, Marcus Tullius Cicero, who said, 'Diem adimere aegritudinem hominibus', meaning 'time assuages human ailments' and that Chaucer echoed in a poem c1380; 'As tyme hem hurt, a tyme doth hem cure'. Clearly this is a very old sentiment.

It is true that physical traumas do heal, but there may remain a scar and your physical self may not be the same as before ever again. Emotional trauma may lose some of their intensity, but nightmares, fear and the inability to trust may remain. Psychological trauma may dull somewhat, but the ability to live a somewhat normal life may not be possible without putting barriers and strategies in place. Most people would agree that wounds remain with us.

I think that life is simply to complex and we, as people, are too complicated, for this simplistic answer. At 65, I know that life is unpredictable. I also know that people experience, and cope with, life very differently. Time is a constant; it may move you towards something, or away from something, but it will not stand still, even though there will be moments in your life when everything seems to have stopped, even your very breath.

Death is one of those times. The earth will seem to stop turning and the pain be so overwhelming that you might feel that the pain will take you away with your loved one. This is a body blow that will remain with you always. Time can move you through those stages of grief to a place where memories can be a consolation and joy, rather than a desolation, but that wound though scarred over, can at any time pulse to life with the remembered pain. There is no stopwatch for the process.

I am grateful to live in a country that is not at war. I have not experienced the desolation of my home, or had to send my sons to fight elsewhere for my safety here. I have not experienced violent crime or been a victim of violence to my person by my spouse or a stranger.  I have escaped addiction. The statistics for these things show that that they do not respect person, place or income so I have been astonishingly fortunate. 

I know and love people who have not escaped. Has time helped to heal them. I think so in the sense that in the time that has passed they have been able to seek help, to add maturity and context to their trauma, learned strategies that help focus their thoughts and emotions in a positive direction, and  surrounded themselves with people with whom they can grow and be safe. Do they win every day? No. Nobody does.  But they are the strongest people I know, determining to keep going forward instead of staying or dwelling on the dark places. Are the wounds gone? No, they remain, but they do have a protective covering of scar tissue which can be felt, but is not debilitating. They humble me.

Just some thoughts on a rainy September day.